Real Meeting, A Book on Being in Leadership

Real Meeting, A Book on Being in Leadership

We know that some manage and others lead. Whether a leader or a manager, the life of an executive is dictated by ‘meetings’. They also know that so many meetings involve no ‘meeting’. This book addresses that concern.

Leaders also know that many meeting achieve very little because, there is simply a lack of trust between persons. The lack of trust is amplifies by a lack of ‘real meeting’.

Real meeting is defined and symbolised in this book by Buber’s I-thou. In the semiotic of I-thou, the power is in the hyphen. What is it that connects people? What is it that create a ‘real meeting’? What makes for good ‘meeting’ as opposed to having a ‘good meeting’?  Is there a secret to attaining and experiencing this sense of ‘meeting’? Where to start?

One of the key strategies of this book is story telling and intentional reflection, symbolised by the ying-yang wolves. This includes a critical orientation to time. There can be no real meeting or connection without listening, reflection and time. One of the greatest challenges to ream meeting is busyness. This is why the First Nations symbols are important when being reflective. A First Nations approach to time is not entangled in the Western business fixation with measured performance. First Nations peoples are more focused on the rhythms of life than the ringing of cash registers.

The sub-title of the book captures a simple but profound mantra. Is there time and space in your life and leadership for persons? Is there time in your day for listening and being present with others. Where do you stand in the hyphen that fills the space between you and others or you and objects?

The stories of the book start with the ‘meeting’ of the two authors, Aneta and Brian. We know by these stories that i-thou is not just an idea but a lived reality. Once this i-thou becomes a reality one quickly learns that it cannot be explained or measured. You learn that you now know much more than you can tell. Such is the nature of knowing Real Meeting and i-thou.

The third chapter is a wonderful telling of the life of Martin Buber and his philosophy. This chapter is brought together beautifully with the telling of a story in Canberra, a waitress and the art of listening. At the end of this chapter is an excellent reflection page when the reader get time to process some of the critical concepts of Buber and the meaning of i-thou. One of the features of this chapter is the semiotic exploration of the i-thou and the hyphen. This has not been considered anywhere across the globe and so is most original, creative and thought provoking.

Chapter four begins with a story and then explores the importance of understanding time particularly, chronos time and kairos time. In English we miss the important nuances of the two Greek words. Its one thing to think about counting time (chronos) and chronological time and, quite another to thing of the right time or quality of time (kairos). When we are in the right time

(Kairos), chronos time becomes unimportant. In the busyness of meetings there is no opportunity for kairos the time; the clock runs, agenda must be checked, minutes taken, outcomes recorded, actions noted and closure in time ready to run to the next meeting.

The next chapter is a retelling of two stories discussed by Dr Long in his books and blogs. The first is the story of the Beaconsfield and the second a unique experience, a kairos experience, at the Aboriginal Tent Embassy in Canberra. The discussion of Indigenous (Canadian and Australian) values and approach to community and social meaning is so enriching. The reflection that follows is penetrating and draws out the values we have regarding others and real meeting.

As you enter Chapter seven the book starts to give some very practical recommendations, built on the stories and concepts introduced earlier. Journaling is one if those skills. As part of this discussion there is a nice comparison of traditional meetings of exchange and ‘real meeting’. What we learn is that reflection is not natural but a skill like a muscle. It takes training, exercise, commitment and hard work to be a reflective leader. This us followed by a very short chapter on dehumanising based on the experience of Matthausen Concentration Camp near Linz in Austria.

Storytelling is the concern of Chapter ten and challenges leaders to connect through story. One of the great temptations in storytelling is to be consumed with self and the ego. This is not what sharing stories is about. Unless the story is from the heart with a selfless motive, they generally don’t connect. To do this well is again about training, practice, skill and orientation towards others.

More practical tools and methods are introduced in Chapter 11. This is where further education in SPoR methods are needed. It’s very difficult to explain the power and use of these tools in a book. However, these tools work and help significant to help leaders move from i-it thinking to real meeting in i-thou. The epilogue is a wonderful close and brings it all together. What next?

If you are an executive and have lost that spark in real meeting, this book is for you but more, a new orientation is the next challenge, to move away from i-it to i-thou. This will require contacting the authors to start the process of skill development and practice.

What a much needed book in a world lost in meeting noise without substance and organisations screaming out for real meeting.